Everything was cheap and doubtless about as well made as the price was high. The only exception to this rule was the bin of stuffies that took the internet by storm in later years - squishmallows.
Polyester birds, whales, and unidentifiable rodents piled it high, forming a dream-come-true for a young child, and a nightmare for an independent journalist.
We all stepped out of the store sporting squishies - I an interminable narwhal named Oswald, my little brothers a panda and a koala. They were carefree, with no idea of the travesty that would happen later.
It was just this year that I realized something was fishy - or, mammally. I had never seen another narwhal. I googled him - he had been replaced.
With a marshmallowy, colorful splotch on the landscape.
My whale was always the perfect squishmallow - kind, comforting, psychiatrist, but also nicely coloured - the only bad part of his coloring was an ugly horn, and that I hoped to remove quickly.
The new version was not perfect. It was ugly. The only authentic Oswald-clone I could find? An ebay one. Used.
The janky Kellytoy website didn’t give any answers anyways. Every “squad” was almost empty… I was sure there was something strange happening.
## I was sure there was something fishy going on.
I asked on Reddit, and got no helpful response.
What is happening?
Where did the squishmallows go?
For any (anonymous, if your smart) tips, E-Mail me.
This entire article is a joke, based in fact, same as all the further Detective Lane Howser articles.
My friend's blogs: Wizardwatch's overall site, Sawyer's blog (the .org part bemuses me), Luke's site. If ryleu decides to actually put something on his site, I'll link it here.