The Metropolis Post - Edition 2

November 9, 2019

image/svg+xml The Metropolis Post Breaking: "Illeteracy Virus" plagues millionsThe average literacy rates across America have, in astrange turn of events, plummeted to zero. Top experts saythis is as an effect of chemicals in chip bags disrupting thekey neurons that allow your brain to differentiate paperfrom ink to process text. A strange effect of this "IlliteracyVirus" is that people become incapable of seeing melonsand start to hate small cars. Sprite Cranberry Time!Did you know thatcranberries are highin vitamins C, R, A andP. Enjoy yourmonosaturated fatin liquid form in a cup! Sprite Cranberry uses artificialflavoring. Sugar content makes up80% of total content. Cranberry Lawsuit escalatesThe ongoing CranberryLawsuit mentioned in the lastedition has become more direas Isgald Dorkald (thecranberry president) ordereda strike on several airports.Luckily, the strikes wenthorribly wrong do to thestrategic positioning of certainfive-year olds. The most satisfying meal of my life A few weeks ago, after a meal of rotisserie chicken (from Kroger) andbaby carrots, I felt a burst of energy. Although it hadn't tastedparticularly good, it was amazing fuel and made me feel better thanever after pizza or a hamburger, some of my favorites. I guess it justshows the joy of eating healthy, even when it isn't delicious. Copyright (c) 2019 TTech inc. Don't waste your life reading this. Fix global warming. Stop reading.

I didn't have any other ideas today. The next one will be in exactly one week.

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